Last night I found out the answer. One of my good friends came to town and among other people two of her older sister’s friends showed up. We were chilling in a fancy hotel room pre-gaming before hitting the town when they walked in. Immediately taking over the room with their annoying, obnoxiously loud babbling they superficially met everyone there not even for a moment hiding the fact that this crowd was not up to sniff.  That decision to judge people as not worthy of their esteemed company before having even a short conversation with any of  them was painfully obvious. Since the people they’ve just met were quite obviously not worthy of their attention they proceeded to sit in a small circle ignoring everyone else, continuing to babble about nonsense like “Oh my god, I love your shoes!” and taking pictures of themselves with their mobile phones, fixing their hair  and taking more pictures. Then discussing how the pictures they just took came out. One of them was also constantly making her obviously well rehearsed “picture taking face” and complaining every time it didn’t come out right and wanting to retake. The rest of the conversation among them consisted of discussing their previous nights out and looking at pictures from those historical moments on the mobile version of their Facebook accounts.

They were the walking stereotypes of completely superficial, empty, vapid cunts whose whole world revolves around themselves and anything, even by accident, entering from outside that self imposed bubble is immediately deemed as weird and completely unworthy of their attention. Their total lack of self awareness resulted in making comments like, “Oh my god, I don’t have any friends at work because… no offense, but they’re all NOT FROM AROUND HERE! Foreigners… I mean what am I supposed to talk to a bunch of Russian and Indian dudes?!” (cue a look similar to the one you’d expect if they were forced to eat someone else’s vomit) and “Oh my god, I went to Thailand for a week and never got food poisoning! Can you imagine? Thailand!”

Sometimes you watch light summer comedies full of stereotypes like these and you think that they’re terribly exaggerated for entertainment purposes. “People like that can’t possibly exist in the real world!”, you think to yourself. As I found out last night they DO indeed exist. So the next time you’re horny walking down the street and you see another man with a woman like this and just for a moment you get a little jealous and think to yourself, “Wow, I’d love to be him” remember this. It only takes two minutes of their presence in your vicinity for you to feel like you’d like to give them an accidental push out the window of a fancy hotel room. Located on the 26th floor.

I can’t help, but wonder what is the point of hiring a really good, very experienced designer if you’re going to have a bunch of non-designers make all the design decisions? Like the VP of Marketing who’s constantly hovering above my head like a fucking helicopter.

Why not hire a junior designer and hump him all day instead? It would be a whole lot cheaper and the result would be exactly the same.

This is like your mom going for surgery and you and four other relatives standing there in the operating room and directing the highly experienced surgeon (you insisted on hiring) during the fucking operation.

- Make an incision here. No, not here. Two inches to the right. Yeah, that looks good.

- Stick your hand in and pull on that. What is that anyway? Bob, any idea? No? Hmm… We need input from Cindy. Cindy, come here… What do you think that is?

- Hey, what if we cut over here as well? Not here. Riiiight there… What would that do? That could be interesting. Oh shit, that’s a lot of fucking blood! I think she’s flatlining! Sow it up, sow it up!

- [Whispering] Man, this surgeon sucks… Mother fucker almost killed her!

Do pilots get constant advice on how to fly a plane by the passengers? I’m sure there would be plenty of passengers who’d like to get involved like every fucking control freak on the plane, or in other words, everyone in business class.

Maybe that’s the real reason they have a bullet proof door to separate the cockpit from the rest of the plane. It’s not the terrorists they’re worried about. It’s 700 pilot wannabes.

I want my own fucking cockpit, damn it!

Anytime someone starts to go on and on about how original they are or someone else is I wanna take my dirty sock off and stuff it in their piehole.

Everyone steals ideas from everyone else! Everyone. No exception.

Some steal only in small parts and add their own spin. We call that inspiration.

Some completely rip off someone else’s ideas. The point is we all do it to some extent. And there’s nothing fucking wrong with it!

What’s annoying is that people are completely unable to admit it and constantly trash others’ work for supposedly not being original enough with their obnoxious “hollier than thou” attitude.

Most of these people are just stupid jackasses who follow the latest trend or fad in whatever creative field they happen to be in. Yet, in their own twisted view of the world they are more original than everyone else.

The current web 2.0 (super minimalistic, huge buttons, fields and text) trend in web design is a great example. I mean, I actually like it, but it’s not the only way to design a website, yet every company is now trying to do that like they’ve just discovered the fucking holy grail.

To hear them talk one might think that the evolution of web design has been complete and the web 2.0 style is its crowning achievement. We are done, people. Nothing else to see here.

Two years later all these same people will say, “Eeew, how 2007!” when looking at a web 2.0 site because they have just latched on to a new trend.

Just like they do now when you show them some amazingly beautiful, creative, detailed, difficult to produce website designed back in 2004.

- Eeew, it sucks. So 2004!

Oh, stuff a fucking sock in it already!

Obesity in the Skies

They should have discounts for skinny people. One thing this report didn’t mention is the inconvenience of sitting next to a fat fuck. Not only am I paying more for his fat ass to fly, his fat ass is encroaching on my fucking space (that I paid more for because of him in the first place)!

Anyone over 200 pounds should fly fucking cargo class! Yes, they should share the plane space not with me, but with huge boxes of fast food preservatives. The only problem with this is that all those food supplies in the cargo compartment may not make it to their intended destination.

Ticket prices should be based on weight. The more your fucking ass weighs the more you pay. Can you imagine the uproar of all those fucking politically correct wankers if anyone actually suggested that? Discrimination!!!

Fuck this! I’m the one being discriminated against because I have to pay for more fuel so that the plane is able to get off the ground with the fucking lard squad on board.

If that weren’t enough, some fat ass is making me squeeze into a spot just large enough for a fucking rabbit! I mean, if you have to ask the flight attendant for an extra long seatbelt because the regular kind cannot fit your circumference even at full stretch (something I actually witnessed on a recent flight) you have to pay more for your fucking ticket!

Fat people should not even be allowed in first class because they take away the extra space I pay for to enjoy my flight in comfort. If I’m forking over a fucking fortune to fly first class there better not be any love handles spilling over my fucking arm rest!